Waiting and weeping.

I’ve been quiet again. Not because I don’t have anything to say, I have so so much to say 😉 but some times life throws everything at you, at once. And you gotta deal with it as it comes.

In the middle of what feels like a million other things, we are currently trying to buy a home. There are so many hurdles we’re trying to jump through that don’t make any sense. We’ve had so many “no’s” hit us throughout the financing process, and it feels like in the mean time houses are slipping out from between our fingers.

I just hoped the process would be simple. I’ve watched lots of people walk through it seamlessly, I just assumed it would fall into place for us that way. We have the down payment. We have extra cash. Our credit scores are good. We don’t own credit cards and have never made a late payment on anything. And yet here we are, feeling like we’re swimming upstream.

We’ve waited for credit scores to rise, waited to get an approval letter, waited for a better one ;), and now we are waiting for the perfect house. This has been a season of waiting, to say the least. For a gal who likes to be in the loop, waiting to find out if the loop is even there, is beyond frustrating. But the other day I was reading through John, (Chapter 11 if you want to read through it) and I came across a piece of scripture I really hadn’t paid much attention to before.

“Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha… So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

Let’s just pause here. Let that resonate with you for a minute. After hearing this news, Jesus waits two days before starting his days-long journey to see this grieving community.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the story, Jesus does make it back to the girls and Lazarus. But when He gets there, He finds them mourning the loss of their loved one. They have buried him. He is wrapped and in a tomb and has been for four days. They both tell him he’s too late and “if only You had been here, he wouldn’t have died.” He sees them weeping and hurting and begins to weep with them. Jesus wants to see him, and when He does He tells him to come out of the tomb, and Lazarus does just that.

So lets just recap. He loved all of them, so he waited two days before going to save him? Two whole days. Where this guy was dying. Where the sisters are confident in the Lord’s ability to heal him. Where they’re hoping He’ll come to save him. Where He doesn’t. Where this man dies. Where they bury him. Where they begin the mourning process. Days of waiting and rejection and heartbreak.

Then He shows up.

I imagine the girls when this happens. How they must feel, what they must be thinking. We waited for you to come. We did all that we could. We prayed. We called on you. We trusted you’d come through. We expected you. You’re too late.

But He’s not. He did hear them. He did come through. He did show up. He did answer. He did the unexpected.

How often do we finds ourselves in a period of waiting and react that way? Disappointed, confused, discouraged, abandoned. Because for me, it’s basically every single time I have to wait on anything. And I mean anything, many red-lights have had me crying “WHY GOD?” But the truth is, He is there in the waiting. He loves us through the waiting. He hears our cries. He sees our hurts, and He wants to fix them. He meets us there in the mourning.

He rarely answers us in the way we expect it. He doesn’t always say yes. But that doesn’t mean He doesn’t hear us, or He isn’t there. He hurts with us. He weeps with us. He weeped with these girls, and He knew that He was headed to raise Lazarus. Imagine what it looks like when He knows there is no relief until we meet Him face to face.

I hope when you find yourself in a season of waiting this brings you some encouragement. The truth is, we will walk through lots of periods of waiting. Sometimes it’s as trivial as a loan approval, a new job opportunity, and sometimes it is heavy, heart-wrenching waiting. Waiting to be a mom, waiting for a husband, waiting for a miracle. When I write this all out, it seems silly that I would worry about the house, about the loan. But the reality is, it’s in our nature. So when we do, let this be a reminder that He cares about us, He hears us, He weeps with us in the waiting.

xo, e.

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